Tightly Wrapped Bouquet
Can I just be honest and tell you about the days of the scattered brain. When I didn't know how to connect the thoughts I was having and would feel like I was in a million pieces. Just like these flowers in pieces and scattered everywhere. One day I realized I was sitting in the same spot for about thirty minutes trying to figure something out. When I realized what was happening, I said, just forget it Tracy. Then I started laughing, because I could not remember what I needed to forget.
I am grateful during these times for the internet. I easily looked up other women, going through breast cancer prevention. Women who had similar treatments, medications and there they were, testimonies of other's with scattered brained. I said, okay Lord, I know that You will get me through this and show me exactly what I need.
"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19
I knew at some point there were things I would not be able to do. Especially when people started asking me, "Do you have this...did you do that...remember you said you would...." Honestly, I could not remember. I, with God on my side managed to get through. Then, I took responsibility and resigned from everything the Holy Spirit led me to step down from.
"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track." Proverbs 3:5-6 (MSG)
It was hard, but I had to do it. And now the stress is gone of feeling like I am not doing my job, or contributing like I should. I knew if I didn't listen to the voice of God and continued to do things for man; the pieces would never come together. You have to stop and take care of yourself, period. Now, with prayer and discipline (saying, "No") God keeps me together like a tightly wrapped bouquet. I am so grateful and going along with God's flow, being serious about my limits and abilities but also finding humor in myself. This is but for a season.