We use flowers for so many different purposes and occasions. Flowers are seen everywhere from a front yard to the highways. They are truly a beautiful thing. They grow from a tiny seed, up out of the ground into something wonderful. That is the way God created them.
I think of simple things like the life cycle of a flower and I am in wonder about the mind of God. Have you every said, what made God do that, that way. He is a wonder-filled God and I love it. I am always amazed by His craftsmanship and in awe of His creativity. That includes the difficult things in life.
I wanted to create some artwork about breast cancer survivors and honor the woman who have died from it. I was searching for flowers to represent them. As I visualize a walk through the Pink Valley, it is filled with different pink flowers that represent the women in different seasons of their battle with breast cancer. I realized that I have known so many strong, caring, dynamic women who are no longer on this earth, that have succumbed to this horrible disease.
Then my heart was becoming heavy and I could feel depression setting in. I would just cry. I was a mess. I could not understand. I was grateful that I was cancer free, yet something was tearing at my soul. I would read Psalm 42:11:
"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God."
Yet, nothing was easing the heaviness. Then I met with my medical oncologist and it was explained to me that I was dealing with survivors remorse. I would have never thought that.
It is possible to feel guilty for being a cancer survivor. All these great woman that I had the privilege of knowing, being mentored by, joining on mission trips and in seminary classes with were gone. The question of why this one and not that one. Why not me too, led me to feeling guilty. Now, I am sensitive to saying it was "my faith" or "trust in God", did these woman not have all of that. They were God fearing women. Who really knows. God does.
Once I was clear on what was going on, I could hear myself asking God in my mind, why? Then as soon as I would ask, I would answer with Isaiah 55:8-9:
"“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."
I trust God and I fear Him in a respectful way. When I don't understand, I pray and ask God to give me that peace that surpasses all understanding. And I let it go.
As I continue my search for flowers to represent my friends, I am reminded that God is in control. He created the flowers and their life cycle, and we His greatest creation must trust and believe in His plan for our lives.